the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
