Have you finally orgasmed yet?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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