Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize