Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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