So drunk its hurt
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
whose ass print is on the piano?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
