This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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