there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
