You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
