I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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