i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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