story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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