It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
