Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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