I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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