She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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