He kissed a someone with a penis
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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