grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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