ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
