no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
