Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
