Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
