WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
