im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
