I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
