look no pants
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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