a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
