i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
