I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
