I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
