im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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