I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
