I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
cat food counts as protein by the way
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
