One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
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