She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
