You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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