My hair reeks of homosexuality.
operation harelip BJ is a go
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
