dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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