So drunk, too bad you don't want this
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
