so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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