HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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