tell your sister to shave her snatch
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
you made out with another girl for some wings
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
