This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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