I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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