hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
