Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
