U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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