i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
