Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
