he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
