Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
