If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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