if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We talked him into tasing himself.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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