It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
