sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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