In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
