Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
