and she was petting her beer can
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
