I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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