So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
It's just like the Real World with babies
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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