I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The uberlube is also flammable
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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