So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
