We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
